I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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