Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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