Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
