Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
