Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
