I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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