Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
