Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
