Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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