i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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