the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
