I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
the day after is always just damage control
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
