no, he came in my armpit
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
