I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
cat food counts as protein by the way
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
