his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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