ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
