Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
