he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
