i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
