No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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