My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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