in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
