I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
one might say we're banned from that church
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
