I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
