remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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