So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
