I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
