I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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