I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
