i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
