Your tits are I can't wait for
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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