If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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