I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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