Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
