Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
