so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
