i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
