Little spoons don't ask big questions
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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