So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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