I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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