Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
