I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
