I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
