I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
