I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
