Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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