Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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