I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
