Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
