We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
