Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
