nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
